Monday, July 16, 2007

A Powerful Tribute to Cheese--A Long-Awaited Poem

The intrepid poet at ChesterCon07 was Rob MacArthur. His poem: Ballade Against Cheesemongery. It shall appear in the next issue of Gilbert Magazine; but for those three of us who still read this blog, I present to you: Rob MacArthur.
Ballade Against Cheesemongery.

The grocer’s, for $6.95 per pound
Havarti sells, in blocks of creamy beige
Bespeckled with unthinkables (well ground
Or crushed) like nuts, or wine, or sage
And rosemary. At this I briefly rage
Then pass it o’er for cheap varieties
My unsophistic hungers to assuage.
I do desire no vanity in cheese.

I go, and madness does not fall behind:
In tubs on frigid shelves they sell a paste
Suffused with cherries, or with garlic rind,
Or bacon. And withal there goes to waste
The sweetest cream that e’er Galthea placed
Between pastoral palms of devotees
In Arcady, whose name is here disgraced,
And who desired no vanity in cheese.

And lo! What woe behold I though I rail
Against whatever fiend devised this thing
Called Pepperjack, to make the righteous quail
With wax to mock and capsicum to sting!
My muse leaves me. I can no longer sing
Upon this sacrilege! (The poet flees.
He snatches Mozzeralla on the wing,
For he desires no vanity in cheese.)

Prince, you offer pepper-corned Edam
With citron-oil essence. Remove it please:
Its power my gut to sour, your soul to damn!
I do desire no vanity in cheese.
News has it that this young poet has many more such wonderful poems up his sleeve, and future issues of Gilbert Magazine will carry his work. If you don't have a subscription, it would appear as if now would be the moment to secure such future poetry.


  1. GKC wrote: "Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese." [Alarms and Discursions 70]

    Oh Gilbert! The silence is broken!

    And how!

    Thanks Rob! I wonder where I can buy some Stilton.

  2. Ha ha! There's been a discussion on Chesterton and cheese recently here:

  3. "O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
    (Lewis Carroll)

    Thank you, Rob! I hope you enjoyed writing this as much as we have looked forward to hearing it again!

  4. Dr. Thursday made me write this:

    There once was a young man from Limburg,
    Whose hobby was wine-stomping skim curd.
    He said, "This is sweet!
    "My feet smell like feet,
    "Strong enough to knock down the great Hindenburg!"

  5. I read this blog every day, as long as I have Internet access. Just because I don't always have something intelligent to comment on, it doesn't mean that I don't read it.

  6. Please. Isn't it hot enough in Texas without talking about capsicum?


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